1. |
Glasgow Moths
01:41
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Some moths, some moths are attracted to the light
Some moths fly towards a flame despite eternal dissatisfaction
Some moths don't understand attraction
Beacons of artificial sources
Can confuse the angle of the flight
The trajectories these things take
As they make their way towards the light
In an acrobatic display of desperate urgency
Some moths, some moths
Some moths, some moths
When they get where they think they want to be
They get burnt and confused
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2. |
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Everyone hates the Balloon Guy
Everyone hates his balloons
Everyone hates the Balloon Guy
Everyone hates his balloons
You know the guy, he plagiarises platitudes
And spells them out on a wall (with balloons)
Your hatred at first was irrational
But there's something about him that makes you livid
Log on
Cyberbully the Balloon Guy
Log off, have some food, go to sleep, wake up
Log on
Cyberbully the Balloon Guy
Log off, have some food, go to sleep, wake up
Everyone hates the Balloon Guy
Everyone hates his balloons
It all seemed a bit mean-spirited when he's just expressing himself
In the cynically orchestrated manner of a middle-aged marketing manager
The problem is you can't ignore it
When all it wants is your attention
And that serves to reflect to us an image of ourselves we're a meme away from
I don't mean to try and defend it
Social media's a complex cesspit
But negatively sharing and endlessly sneering is the very thing that amplifies it
Log on
Cyberbully the Balloon Guy
Log off, have some food, go to sleep, wake up
Log on
Cyberbully the Balloon Guy
Log off, have some food, go to sleep, wake up
I used to think he was harmless
That his art just wasn't for me
But then I saw him say that thing about nudes
And to prove you were going to therapy
What?
Now everyone hates the Balloon Guy
Everyone hates his balloons
Everyone hates the Balloon Guy
But we probably just hate ourselves
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3. |
Mortality Maths
02:51
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The boy from The Sixth Sense was a child when I was a man
Yet somehow he's now my dad
The same time has passed between the 40s and the 80s
As the 80s and now
I've convinced myself that I'm relatively young
And that's what it'll say on my grave
But I still think about school
And the things it failed to teach me
Like coming to terms with grief
I can't help but feel that my best is behind me
I can't help but feel that I'm running downhill
And I can't help but feel that I've lost all perspective
And I can't help but feel that it's not long until I'm dead
It's sooner than I think, it's sooner than you think
And it's soon
The boy from The Sixth Sense was a child when I was a man
Yet somehow he's now my dad
I spent the best years of my life not knowing that's what they were
So take a moment to appreciate where you are now
But I know that's not enough
Without the benefit of hindsight
And I guess that's growing old
I can't help but feel that my body's against me
I can't help but feel that the years do get shorter
I can't help but feel it's not long until I'm dead
It's sooner than I think, it's sooner than you think
And it's soon
Mortality maths, mortality maths
Mortality maths, mortality maths
The boy from The Sixth Sense was a child when I was a man
Yet somehow he's now my dad
And I can't help but feel that I've lost all perspective
And I can't help but feel that I need to shut up
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4. |
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I didn't choose the thug life yet I'm continually subjected to its whims
And I can never win, because I don't want to win
I didn't choose the thug life yet I'm continually subjected to its whims
And I can never win, because I don't want to win
When I was young a bunch of other boys surrounded me on bikes
So I tried to punch one of them but I felt bad halfway through
And ended up just pressing his face as he recoiled in weird annoyance
And later on I bought him food to say sorry
Throwing punches, buying lunches
I get my kicks from doing bad things
As long as no one actually gets kicked
I didn't choose the thug life yet I'm continually subjected to its whims
And I can never win, because I don't want to win
There was another boy at school called Chris Rose
Yeah, you, Chris Rose
Who called me a shite and a half
So what did I do? I'll tell you
I tracked him down on Facebook to say I had over 2000 followers on Twitter
And that I was at worst only one fully formed shite
Throwing punches, buying lunches
I get my kicks from doing bad things
As long as no one actually gets kicked
Provided I don't feel terrible afterwards
I didn't choose the thug life yet I'm continually subjected to its whims
And I can never win, because I don't want to win
I didn't choose the thug life yet I'm continually subjected to its whims
And I can never win, because I don't want to win
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5. |
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I just found out that flowers have an odour
And I can't smell them because of a disorder
The only fragrance that they have for me
Is a faint tinge of wet grass
For years I thought you were all lying
Roses are red, violets are blue
Flowers don't smell, that's untrue
And that's the difference between me and you
I thought you were so overwhelmed by their beauty
That you'd invented an aroma to match how they looked
And it was, and it was, an agreed deceit
But now I realise that's the arrogance of ego
Roses are red, violets are blue
Flowers don't smell, that's untrue
You're lying about the smell
As far as I can tell
And that's the problem here, so insincere
But why, oh why, would you invent a scent?
Your experience is never universal
Other people's reality is not bound to how you perceive it
The parameters of existence don't start and stop with you, oh oh
Your nuances are not factual
And culture is not inherent
And the value of nostalgia is a personal ransom
The flower on the tenement roof feels rain before the others
And the flower on the pavement feels rain rise from the gutters
Flowers have an odour
Yeah, flowers have an odour
When you bloom, when you bloom
When you bloom, others will bloom with you
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6. |
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Normalise taking days off work
Normalise never checking the time
Normalise cancelling plans when you no longer want to go
Even if it means hurting your friends
Normalise sanctimonious rhetoric
Normalise crying into your pet's fur
Normalise sociopathic behaviour in an effort to justify the shitty little things that you've done to everyone
Normalise this very niche confession
Normalise pointing at people's stomachs and when they look down quickly draw your hand up to their nose and go 'ahh, got ye'
Normalise not answering your phone, especially when it's to your own family
Normalise emotional manipulation and tactical chess-playing with your peers for microscopic gains
Normalise saying exactly what you think and when confronted about it dismiss the concern by limply responding 'that's who you are, that's what you do, you're honest, babe, you say it like it is.'
Normalise this very niche confession
Normalise using clap emojis between each word in a physical setting by utilising applause commas in conversations like a flesh tweet
Normalise developing a website to cruelly rate the attractiveness of your college associates and then accidentally, or alternatively, with nefarious intent, evolve it into the world's most effective machine for political propaganda
Oh, wait, that's done
I get the creeping little suspicion
That this is a creepy little admission
I get the creeping little suspicion
That this is a creepy little admission
I get the creeping little suspicion
That this is a creepy little admission
Normalise this very niche confession
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7. |
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As I made my way to school
On the 36A bus to Cumbernauld Town Centre
I'd look out the window and see it there
Clinging to the limb of a tree
Looking so lonely
An empty packet of Discos that had been thrown aside
And caught there somehow
Every day, I'd pass this little bag hanging there
And come what may, it was my only stability
I fell in love with an abandoned crisp packet
I fell in love with a discarded crisp packet
I fell in love with the way it would always be there
I fell in love with
No change in weather could destroy it
I watched it slowly age like i saw myself in the mirror
Its colours would fade in time
It would always be mine
Because nobody noticed it
It was there for so long, the design became retro and then back in fashion
It had to stay strong for me
But then one day, a truck drove past
Those HGVs, they go so fast
Look out!
Its tyres spun out a deadly mud spray
And took my crisp packet away
I fell in love with an abandoned crisp packet
I fell in love with a discarded crisp packet
I fell in love with the way it would always be there
I fell in love with
I fell in love with
I fell in love with
I fell in love
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8. |
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When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
I can't imagine anything worse than having to scavenge in a wasteland
And only finding one tin of beans to feed a group of survivors
When I remember a world that had Dominos pizza
If I survive the blast, just fucking kill me
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
I don't want to have to learn to survive against wild animals and humans
Who want to steal all my supplies
I can't even put a tent up
I don't want to learn how electricity works
If I survive the blast, just fucking kill me
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
When the bomb drops, when the bomb drops
I will fucking run into it
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9. |
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I don't wanna hold your hand
There's a shadow crawling over, over us
And it's wrapping round my neck and squeezing
The streets are vacant but they're always watching
Your affection is a target still and
It's not safe round here (not safe round here)
No matter where we stand (no matter where we stand)
Save it for later, 'cause I don't wanna hold your hand
You get that liberal sense of security
Because you're forgetting where you are
So visible
I close my eyes and your fingers lock mine
And that's enough to feed the blood to the wolves
It's not safe round here (not safe round here)
No matter where we stand (no matter where we stand)
Save it for later, 'cause I don't wanna hold your hand
I don't wanna hold your hand
You're only as safe as they let you
There's an ugly limit to acceptance
Dictated by visibility of your sexuality
Save it for later, 'cause I don't wanna hold your
I don't wanna hold your
I don't wanna hold your
I don't wanna hold your hand
I don't wanna hold your hand
I don't wanna hold your hand
I don't wanna hold your hand
I don't wanna hold your hand
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10. |
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Do people in America wear Easterhouse t-shirts?
You've seen those shirts in British shops
With American places across the chest
Brooklyn, LA, Dallas, Chicago
But do people in America wear ones of British towns?
Some American states are bigger than countries
So how small a city do you think you're gonna get?
But I saw a shirt in Primark for Akron, Ohio
So maybe there's, maybe there's
Maybe there's a market for
Easterhouse
Wishaw
Livingston
East Kilbride
Airdrie
Aberdeen
Carlisle
Preston
Farnborough
Bridgend
Bridlington
Newcastle
Exeter
Maidstone
Whitburn
Uddingston
Kirkcaldy
Bootle
Kingston upon Thames
Middlesborough
Margate
Bellshill
Montrose
Loughborough,
Gloucester
Sidcup
Aberdare
Peterborough
Hull
Birkenhead and Bradford
People in America should wear Easterhouse t-shirts
I looked it up, I looked it up
And found that in Japan
A company was making, for reasons unknown
T-shirts displaying the name of a place
And what's it called, what's it called?
Cumbernauld
Luton
Wakefield
Wigan
Doncaster
Kings Lynn
Studley
Blackpool
Halifax
Inchinnan
Avebury
Wolverhampton
Burnley
Aldershot
Bolton
Swansea
Morecambe
Kilmarnock
Dumfries and Galloway
Dennistoun
Coatbridge
Coleraine
Stourbridge
Winchester
Pocklington
Stockton on Tees
Toonheid
Toonheid
Toonheid
And Saltcoats
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11. |
Puddles
01:41
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When, when did I start jumping over puddles instead of into them?
When, when did the snow become a travel issue instead of a playground?
The older I get the more history is important to me 'cause I'm becoming history
When, when did I know that becoming an adult didn't mean knowing everything?
How, how did all this become the marketing strategy that'll make me spend?
The older I get the more history is important to me 'cause I'm becoming history
And history is becoming me
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12. |
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Have you been cancelled and you want to apologise?
But you have nothing that you want to verbalize?
Are you looking to say sorry without having to say sorry?
Why don't you deepfake your apology?
Fake your face on to your face
And apologise without a trace
Of evidence that you're aware
You don't actually think the things that you declare
I can't explain and I won't even try
Your value is how you visually identify
Are you looking to say sorry without having to say sorry?
Why don't you deepfake your apology?
Fake your face on to your face
And apologise without a trace
Of insincerity in your response
To engineer your online renaissance
You no longer even have to mean the things you say
As long as your face says it then it looks to be that way
You can dip your eyes like your heartless body never could
We can key in tears at the vital points
Maximise potential for atonement
Maximise potential engagement
Fake your face on to your face
And apologise without a trace
Of evidence that you're aware
You don't actually think the things that you declare
Please remember to like and share
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13. |
Polite Nu Metal
01:54
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Are you okay?
Gosh darn
My goodness
You're looking radiant today
Absolutely stunning
Have you done something with your hair?
You're doing an excellent job
Well done
Please get the eff up
Whoops
Thanks for that
The pain inside is really hurting me
But try not to worry
I'm sure it's nothing that a couple of paracetamol won't sort out
I'm actually very cross right now
So I am going to gently encourage you
Dagnammit
Holy heck
Ooh wah ah ah ah
Indecipherable
Gosh darn
Indecipherable
Are you feeling okay?
Indecipherable
Place the bodies on the floor carefully
Cripes
By jove
For goodness sake
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14. |
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It goes
Phil Collin
Phil Collins
Phil Collins Cubed
Phil Collins Returns
Collins: Origins
The Dark Collins
The Dark Collins Rises
This is the Phil Collins Cinematic Universe
It then goes
Phil Collins: the gritty reboot
Phil Collins 2: the sequel to the reboot
Collins: a standalone sequel to the first Phil Collins that ignores all the other sequels and reboots
And finally
Phil Collins: Genisys
This is the Phil Collins Cinematic Universe
Phil Collins, Phil Collins
I can feel it
Collins in the air tonight
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15. |
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Everything good that's happened to me
Has been completely by chance rather than design
I don't deserve anything I have
I'm so scared I'll be exposed as a fraud
'Cause I have lucked my way into mediocrity
When I am actually less than ordinary
I fall into everything and everything just falls into me
I just trundle from thing to thing and I trundle aimlessly
My GPS has dropped the pin into the sea
I have successfully fooled those around me
If I made an effort maybe I could be
The person that you assume me to be
But I'm not
It's not that I don't want to do things
It's that I don't want to do them and fail
It's not that I'm afraid to fail
It's that I'll have to pretend that I care about failing
When I don't really want to succeed at anything
And that's when everything will start unravelling
Because I haven't felt a thing in a very long time
And the only things that matter are the things I undermine
And I'll leave nothing of value behind
My raison d'être is to avoid as much as possible
The same issues will arise when I die
When they say at my funeral 'he was this kinda guy'
And it won't be the person I was
Because I didn't exist the whole time
And it doesn't matter what you say to me
It doesn't matter what you say to me
Because I don't exist at all
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